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Republican VS Democrat Chain

Page history last edited by Capri 5 years, 5 months ago

 

Liberals VS. Conservatives

Right and left duke it out with chain letters, both of which get smashed. Unfortunately, once again, republican chain-addiction has made online news.

* * *

Conservative VS. Liberal

Chain: If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test! Pretty much says it all for me.

Capri: *Shrugs*

Chain: - If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
- If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

Capri: That's because anti-gun activism is part of the liberal movement.

Chain: - If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
- If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

Capri: Not necessarily, though most likely. It all depends on why one is a vegetarian. If it's strictly because one can't handle meat or dislikes the taste, one can still be a conservative or a liberal. If one is a vegan because of a belief that it is more ethical, that is most commonly found among the liberal side of the fence, but I am pretty sure there are conservative animal rights extremists too.

Chain: If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.

Capri: Actually I have seen people on the net, not so quietly, proclaim they are gay conservatives.

Chain: If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

Capri: That isn't just democrat gay activists.

Chain: If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation

Capri: Not just republicans do that.

Chain: A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.

Capri: Actually there are republicans who do that, too…

Chain: - If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
- Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

Capri: Right...Conservatives just flood the net with chain letters when they don't like something. The latest thing being Obama.

Chain: - If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
- A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)

Capri: And some conservatives are so convinced that absolutely everybody is out to kill their religion, and determined to stick religion into places where it doesn't belong, and OMG, can't stand anything they call "foreign!" Whine, whine, whine, forward, forward, forward!

Chain: If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.

Capri: Oh, brother, here goes the whinge about how democrats expect to get everything for free, I'll bet.

Chain: A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.

Capri: *Rolling eyes* That's the trouble with these stupid chain letters, they always tell republicans "You are victims of robbery because you're paying for everybody else's way!" That just isn't true. What they fail to tell you is that you pay your own way or else you just don't get treated, and that is the republican chain letter health care ideal.

Chain: - If a conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.

Capri: If he is far-right, of course he would, because he's so irritatingly addicted to chain letters already and doesn't realize or care that he's being manipulated into spreading something viral and making the chain problem on the net worse.

Chain: - A liberal will delete it because he’s “offended .

Capri: Wrong. A liberal will make sure to spread it like crazy, for a different reason than the conservative. He/she will repost it all over the net, on Huffington Post, Democratic Underground and DailyKos etc. plus various blogs and web forums such as this one and do a super lame combo laugh&rant, lulzing at conservative chain letter addiction, and rant about how conservatives are the most racist, hateful, stupid people to ever walk the earth.

A sensible person will smash it because she's annoyed, sick of right-wing chain activity, the rest of the non-left refusing to sound off against it, and sick of the left-wingers ranting and lulzing over it.!

** *

Chain: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a T

Capri: What the heck is a "T"?

Chain: The answer can be found by posing the following question:

Capri: *Rolling eyes* more chain letter dimwittery...

Chain: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Capri: I'm a girl. I don't have a wife. I don't have any kids.

Chain: Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you...

Capri: Only in a fourth-rate horror flick. Terrorists use bombs now, it is the 21st century, and a terrorist works on a bigger scale than your two-bit knife-wielding bar-brawler.

Chain: You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.

Capri: Hah, with my vision? Not likely! I don't own a gun.

Chain: You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Capri: Quit the movie...

Chain: THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Capri: Right, the scroll down instruction, almost as common in chain letters as the even more annoying "Forward this and hit alt4 and your crush will call you at midnight!"

Chain: Democrat's Answer:

Capri: Oh, brother! Here we go again.

Chain: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Capri: The question was based on such a lame story that it isn't even worth answering.

Chain: What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?

Capri: It's a gun, stupid...

Chain: Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?

Capri: Oh, right, if you're against "profiling" you must AUTOMATICALLY be a leftwing nutjob according to all these stupid far-right-wing chain letters!

Chain: Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Capri: Does forwarding too many moronic chain letters qualify?

Chain: Could we run away?

Capri: Could you shut up?

Chain: What does my wife think?

Capri: Oh, right, if a man takes his wife's feelings into consideration, that makes him a democrat according to this drippy chain letter. Gah, stupid!

Chain: What about the kids?

Capri: Oh, heaven forbid anyone take their kids into consideration lest they be labelled as a democrat in these chain letters!

Chain: Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

Capri: I suppose, I mean, who's stopping you? Not me...Now shut up.

Chain: What does the law say about this situation?

Capri: The law differs in different places. Generally self-defense isn't against the law though, idiot!

Chain: Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?

Capri: Be careful, you might shoot yourself. But then at least you would shut up.

Chain: Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Capri: Because the chain letter said you were. As if society even cares about what message you send, you're not that important.

Chain: Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Capri: It's your chain letter story, you get to decide whatever he's happy with...

Chain: Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

Capri: Duh, pointless! Knife-wielding maniac equals danger, nuff said...

Chain: If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Capri: Um, you...are...officially...sickening. Shut up already!

Chain: Should I call 9-1-1?

Capri: DUH!!!

Chain: Why is this street so deserted?

Capri: Um, because your chain letter story says so...

Chain: We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.

Capri: And republicans never raise taxes, I suppose? Everybody always complains that whichever political party they hate, is always the one to raise taxes.

Chain: Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

Capri: And only democrats have this idea, ever? Please, stop churning out the stupid!

Chain: I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Capri: Wait a moment, your chain letter story has you facing down a "terrorist" with a knife, you've got a gun, and you're thinking about debating with your friends? Doesn't...make...sense...

Chain: This is all so confusing! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..

Capri: Whatever, shut up...

Chain: Republican's Answer:

Capri: Gah, this is so predictable, 'no questions, use gun'

Chain: BANG! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Capri: See? *Rolling eyes*

Chain: Texan's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Capri: Dumb stereotype, not funny or cute. Shut up!

Chain: Click... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click

Capri: Shut up, I get it already! You stink.

Chain: Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!' 'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist! Capri: EWWWWWW! You're getting into Ed Gein territory here! Disgusting and in very bad taste!

According to this chain letter:

dems are anti-gun, so their terrorists use knives, which gives the repubs better ammo. But the repubs are so scared they aren't aware of it and commit over-kill and indulge in the glory of the gun. In the meantime, the dems are too soft and stupid to recognize a threat when faced with it, and believe they can talk their way out of a knifing.

Oh, and you must absolutely be a hillbilly redneck if you're from Texas.

Either party can like the parts of this chain that show their opposition to be bumbling idiots, which means, unfortunately, republicans have spread this thing around, thinking it hilarious.

Boo-hiss, *THUMBS DOWN!*

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